THE RILEY CURRY PODIUM GAME
Game 1: Steph Curry sets the NBA Finals record for most 3-pointers made with 9, but his last 3 in the 2:12 mark in the fourth quarter is waived off after the NBA Replay Center revealed that he was carrying Riley Curry when he made it, which is, of course, illegal. The Warriors dominate Game 1, resulting to more Riley Curry podium shenanigans, leading to even more pissed off reporters.
Steph Curry breaks more records in Game 2 (e.g. most 3-point field goals made in a half with shoelaces untied; least turnovers committed in a game while under a Lil B curse), and Golden State jumps to a 2-0 lead. Because of the media backlash, Riley does a Rick Carlisle at the podium after Game 2, cementing her legacy as real MVP of the postgame interview.
THE RETURN OF KEVIN LOVE
The Cavs are on the brink of being down 0-3 when LeBron James draws the best play of the postseason. Cleveland ball, down 2 with only 4 seconds left, David Blatt–having learned nothing at all from the Bulls series–goes, “LeBron, you take out the ball.” LeBron says, “I have a better idea…” Then THIS happens:
After visiting LeBron’s witch doctor in Miami, a rejuvenated Kevin Love comes out of the tunnel Big Daddy Cool-style and checks into the game. As the designated inbounder, Love finds LeBron at the baseline, and LeBron hits the game-winning 3 at the buzzer. At the podium, the Big 3 of LeBron, Delly, and Love tell jokes about Kyrie’s zero assists.
A reporter then asks Love about his thoughts on Kelly Olynyk, prompting Love to bring out a cardboard box. The reporter asks: “What’s in the box?”
Reeling from the aftermath of his Game 3 boo-boo that almost cost the Cavs the series, Blatt relinquishes his coaching duties to The King in exchange for a spot in the “Swag Squad”–the name Blatt coined for LeBron, JR Smith and Tristan Thompson.
With the Cavs down 13 in the 3rd quarter of Game 4, Coach LeBron calls timeout to give a pep talk: “All season long, we played our game. Right now, you’re playing theirs! When we step on the floor, every second that clock is ticking, we are pedal to the medal!” Only Timofey Mozgov gets the reference.
Cavs rally and tie the series, and Blatt gets to wear a snapback at the end of the game.
DELLY VS DRAYMOND HELL IN A CELL
Neither team will budge in Game 5–the most important game of the series. After 3 OTs, the game is still tied, leaving officials no choice but to rule the game through the classic “bato bato picks nalang,” which in NBA terms mean Gauntlet Hell in a Cell. Draymond Green (who else?) represents GS while the Cavs field in the NBA’s newest villain–the proverbial zit in the face of the NBA: Matthew Dellavedova.
There’s no way Delly wins this. As expected, LeBron gets the blame. 3-2 Dubs.
REVENGE OF THE SPO
Erik Spoelstra, DWade and Bosh (wearing Heat jerseys) are at courtside for Game 6, distracting LeBron and James Jones. LeBron sets the NBA Playoff record for most turnovers and the Cavs lose by 30.
Steph sets record for most 3s in a Finals series. Warriors win in 6.
POST-CREDITS SCENE: Steph and LeBron share a long hug. LeBron whispers, “Like I said, if we aren’t better this year, we’re gonna be teammates and do some bigger and better things, alright?” Steph, with Riley in tow, just smiles. Riley hands LeBron her gum, mimics her dad’s signature chest bump and points to the sky.