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Slow Tuesday: Michael Beasley Talked About the Human Brain, A Play-By-Play

January 16, 2018

By Jon Carlos Rodriguez

Have you ever heard Michael Beasley give his insights about the human brain? There’s a video of this rare highlight reel on YouTube, and it’s the most entertaining thing you’ll ever watch today. Probably.

Right before the NBA went absolutely ballistic (Simmons vs Lowry; Clippers vs Rockets), it was a slow Tuesday, so I did my rounds on YouTube for something entertaining to watch. And you know how that usually works: you start with “Kristaps Porzingis Career Mix” and then somehow you find lost yourself in a maze of basketball videos that end with a clip not even related to basketball, like Michael Beasley giving a lecture on the human brain.

In the video, Beasley got into a heated debate with Taylor Rooks on Timeout with Taylor Rooks about a topic I didn’t know The Walking Bucket was so passionate about: brain capacity.

Beasley argued that there has to be someone who used 11% of the brain and figured out that us mortals are using only 10%. Rooks had no chance convincing him otherwise.

Here’s a play-by-play of Beasley vs logic, so you won’t need to watch this video (

00:01: Let’s get this out of the way: Beasley is wearing a watch on BOTH wrists, plus a bonus one on the ankle.

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00:23: Beasley: “So who was the guy that used 11, that made it okay to say that everybody just used the 10?”

00:29-00:32: There was a long, awkward pause after that question, and you could almost hear Rooks blurting out an obligatory “WTF.”

00:38-00:49: Beasley: “If you’re only using 10% of your brain, you don’t even know that you’re using 10% of the brain.”

Rooks: “He knew it was 10% of the brain, based on your brain…you don’t have to use 11% to know somebody’s using 10%.”

Beasley: “Who’s he?”

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01:10: Rooks is so confused right now. She’s on the ropes.

01:20: Beasley: “I’m the first person in the world, say, I’m Adam…” When a sentence starts like that, you know it’s not going to end well.

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01:32: At this point in the debate, Rooks, staggering, tries to fight back. She is shut down. Beasley, complete with a reverse The Voice chair-turn, says: “You’re gonna break it down? You’re wrong.”

01:45: Beasley: “Everything a doctor learns is man-written. And everything a doctor learns is man-written.” That’s not a typo. That’s an actual quote.

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02:10: Beasley does something odd with his fingers, like he’s trying to hypnotize Rooks into submission.

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02:16: The clap at the end was the knockout punch.

Did I mention that this whole time, he was wearing a shirt that said “goat in new york”?

The end.